I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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