Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
