If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
