I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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