Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
