her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
