when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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