Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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