Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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