the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
