Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
