....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
