Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
