I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
