you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
