i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
