You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
