White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
