His hands were made for my vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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