It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
