I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
