if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
