Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
