I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
