Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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