college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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