he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
