Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
