I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
