Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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