and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
