Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
4 words: hood of his car
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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