My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
