haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
