She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
