"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
