I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
