I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
