somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
