just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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