How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
