Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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