my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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