I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
