paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
