You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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