so that wasnt chicken after all
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
