make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
