And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
