porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
